I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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