and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
