you guys were way drunker than both of me
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
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