Grow some girl-balls and come out already
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
