i don't like sucking hair
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
