Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Randomize
