wat bout pragnant strippers??
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this will be a night to untag.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize