I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
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