My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
