I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
