And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
