I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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