we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Randomize
