4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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