Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
