so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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