I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
