I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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