I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
