He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
