We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
