I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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