At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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