I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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