I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
