He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
