I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
