sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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