I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
