Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
