omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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