The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
