its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
