My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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