bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
