My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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