note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
