Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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