I feel like I'm in dance class right now
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
you win again, gameday.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
