When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
