I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
