There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
