And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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