we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
