I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
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