Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
