I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
