3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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