he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
