My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
