All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize