Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Randomize
