i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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