I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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