i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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