Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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