Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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