WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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