All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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