It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I wish i was in the wii world.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
