I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
