new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
