I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
